Monday, January 9, 2012

Worth it.

Starting new projects. Balancing others' and your own emotions and needs. Prioritizing. Life.

K.Boswell Beauty is my new project. Often when I go out people compliment my makeup and I find myself wishing I had a business card on hand. Well problem solved, they're on the way. A new website is frustrating! Perfectionism is a problem of mine and I don't want to show anything until it is perfect. I need models and a great photographer and I happen to have some fantastic ones back home. Living somewhere new and not having as many connections is hard when trying to takeoff.
I really miss Texas. Y'all are mad but all the best people are. My last trip home I drove and as I got farther south people were warmer and friendlier. I happen to be warm and friendly and need to be around like persons. No where is perfect I've learned and as I said last time your troubles follow you wherever you go. Some places suit you better than others. Ideally I would do Utah in the summer and Texas in the winter but who gets exactly what they want?

People can be annoying, crass, and downright mean. It's so hard to love them despite that. Maybe it's because people aren't as friendly here that I've begun to notice an effort involved in being kind. (I hope no one takes offense, I mean in the day to day superficial encounters we have. I have met some lovely people here). I'm lucky that my job affords me the chance to break through an icy first impression and make someone feel comfortable and laugh. 90% of the women I work on sit in the chair with an attitude of indifference or boredom. It may take a minute but I get past that most of the time. I make women feel beautiful, how lucky am I?

It's hard on an intimate level. That's the same wherever you go I can promise you. Friendships and relationships are so delicate in infancy. Those small things that bother you? Mention them. If someone isn't willing to compromise now you're in for a world of trouble down the road. Never let someone say or make you feel like you're a bother, dumb, small, or unimportant. If you do you'll start to believe it. If you already believe it you need to call a friend immediately and tell them how you feel. I bet they'll say that you are a comfort, insightful, larger-than-life, and vital. No matter who you are someone loves you and thinks you're great. You need to remind yourself that they're right.

That's all for now folks.

Saturday, December 3, 2011


Hey all. It's been a minute since I've written (welllll over a year). I'd like to thank Kimberly Scott for always inspiring me to express myself concretely and Alyssa Lee for posting something so wonderful this morning. It was so great to see both of you last week! Consider my heart powered-up.

If anyone who used to follow my blog is reading this I would like to thank you for all your advice and kindness last year. I cannot express how much it meant to me. It was such a tumultuous time for me and I can't get over how we can impact one another over the internet.

So much has changed. Goodbye Texas, hello Utah. Last night I went to Temple Square to see the Christmas lights and the Christus with Carl. Despite the freezingness it was so romantic to sip hot chocolate and walk around in the snow. I just love holy places- It can be any religion. A place set aside for reverence reverberates in my heart. This summer's travels and the decision to live here in Salt Lake were such big steps for me and things have finally begun to settle. My little world has been all shook up and I am excited to begin to build on solid ground.

Things I have learned:

You can't run away from the things that hurt you. You carry it with you wherever you go. The same is true for mistakes. Those of you who know me well know that this is what I do- I run. Realizing that a new location doesn't fix a broken heart or a wounded soul has been huge for me. I spent so much time on my own I had to face myself. I have learned where I hurt, the mistakes I have made, and that love follows you too. It is time to stop moving for awhile and grow. Tender shoots.

Love is work. I'm not just talking of romantic love. The love I bear for my friends and family requires nurture. It's making sacrifices for others. It's listening and really putting yourself in their shoes. Romantically love is a whole different creature. To trust and feel secure are two things foreign to me. To give that trust is so much harder than doing nice things. It has to be there for love to exist. We all have our weaknesses in love. Remembering to go out of your way for them, speaking kindly, selflessness, compromises . . . the list goes on but this is the price you pay for what we all desperately crave. And when you're in it you realize the juice is worth the squeeze.

Someone else will love you. This is so important. I used to believe that because I had fallen in love that was it. He was the end all be all and I had to stick with him no matter what he did to me because no one would ever love me again. As silly as this may seem to some of you it's a real dilemma. I realize that it might just seem like words on a screen but you have to tell yourself, over and over if you need to: Someone will love me. Love isn't cruel. Love doesn't make you cry or feel small. It is not jealous or vindictive. Love is action and words. Love isn't a tempestuous emotion that drives people crazy, it is a steady strength that you build on. When someone loves you, they will not cheat on you or break your heart. If you're hearing 'I love you' and he (or she) treats you horribly that is not love.

I've also come to realize that there is a relationship between what I put in my body and how I feel (shocker). When I was a kid I could eat ten snickers bars and then jump on the trampoline for three hours. Also, if I hurt myself I didn't worry because it would heal. I was so resilient. Now that I am grown things don't magically fix. When I eat poorly or binge drink my body cannot function. Candy just isn't as awesome as it used to be.

Of course there is so much more to say and explore. I have to say that I am happy. I have a relationship with God and I know I need Him. I love my friends and family so dearly they bless me so much. I am loved! It's so important to know. You are loved.

Hey boyfriend- you are perfect. I love you.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

amor amor

Kari & I

Jill & I

Kari & I walking back inside

More of the models walking back inside after our last walk

I just love how I'm glowing in this lol

All the models from the Winestyles fashion show

Closer-up; my boss Jen is the super-cool looking one with her sunglasses on ;)

I ♥ you DeeDee. I hope you had an awesome father's day!

So that was the fashion show I was so excited for in my last entry. It was so much fun, and I met some really sweet girls. Kimberly and Chris were so awesome filming it, both of their first time filming for television and I have no doubt it'll blow us away. My hair was pretty wild huh? It was 3 inches taller when it was first done! I could NOT get the hairspray out in the shower too. Anyway thought I'd share with you. On to what's on my ♥&mind:

That time of year thou mayst in me behold 
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, 
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang. 
In me thou seest the twilight of such day 
As after sunset fadeth in the west, 
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest. 
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire 
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie, 
As the death-bed whereon it must expire 
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by. 
   This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
   To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

Sonnet #73- W.Shakespeare 

I've had this blog for a little while now and I love writing it. I've promised not to write about my past relationship drama- I won't allow it to consume my life or energy. If you wrote me with advice or just sympathy thank you, I was really impressed that strangers would reach out to me. The internet is such a blessing in that way; some argue it polarizes people and now we have no genuine interaction, but I disagree. You wrote me some things I really needed to take to heart and I am very, very grateful. 

I've been reading a lot lately, and while re-reading the Chronicles of Narnia I've felt some sort of pang or prick in my conscious that is vague and nameless. It's always when Aslan is involved. I've been questioning where I am with my beliefs. I say I believe in God and Christ but I spend no time praying or learning more about them. It seems like weeks go by so swiftly without pause for this kind of thinking. My religious background is with the Church if Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon). I had a very rebellious adolescence, though with no boundaries to rebel against. I left for a private LDS school in Virginia when I was 17 and came home last November. I hadn't considered myself Mormon since last February, and since I have had doubts in my choice and reassurances as well. I am happier than I have ever been in my life, though I've only ever had the extremes: very devout or wild, and finding I do have a complete grasp on self-governance is wonderful. So is this 'prick' I mentioned some residue of a guilt drilled into me in my devout days? Or is it my very soul resonating with truth?

What I do know is that we are more than flesh. I had a friend say 'immortals in mortal bodies' and how it's hell, and sometimes it is. Yet we are each so powerful:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence liberates others."

-Nelson Mandela

Whatever 'God' is to you- be it general goodness as Plato's forms or a very specific deity as the Christian God is, we are of goodness and we are divine. I don't know how to pledge myself to a religion when what I believe is somehow so defined and yet undefined. 

This is one of my dearest beliefs; love is Godly. I don't mean love for your fellow man (though that is) I mean being in love. That feeling of completeness with that person, the unspeakable feeling of true belonging is incredible. Love, real love, calms your fears. It makes no sense but you can do more knowing you belong, your mind free from that sort of worry and more is accomplished.

But with all things we err, and we have to choose what we let in our lives. Compromises are essential but sometimes you can't, like when it comes to your personal freedom or happiness. Love isn't jealous. As Martin Luther said 'sin boldly' I say 'love boldly' and accept that there will be need for forgiveness and there will be mistakes. I'm writing this all to myself I hope you know, this isn't hypocritical ramblings. Sometimes I have to hear myself say (or read what I write) to solidify a resolution or accept a truth. You've written me with kind words and sage advice, as well as destain and accusations. The former is much greater but to the latter I can't defend writing a blog. It's an interactive diary and it was a very hard thing for me to decide to do and I've been so scared to share myself. I'm learning a lot as I do this and as I hear from you. I believe this is a good thing and that we can learn from and uplift one another, from our computer chairs or sitting in a coffee shop. I'm on my couch with my laptop and sharing what's in my heart and mind with you wherever you are. How is this not miraculous, intimate, and very human? 

I wish you love.



Monday, June 7, 2010

my semester abroad

Some photos from Zhongguo

China's side of the world

Stone Lion at Sun-Yat-Sen Park

The yingwen laoshi (English teachers) from Southern Virginia University

The guards of our apartment complex, neighborhood and local middle school

Racing home from karaoke 

Impromptu dance party in the stairwell!

The downtown of the city I lived in, Zhongshan

This is my favorite mannequin I saw, but they were all strange & amazing

An ad for Converse shoes- they're huge in China

My chinese flash cards on my iPod. The least necessary word

Chinese translations to English are always beautiful and off a bit

Chinese checkers are for real! Unlike sesame chicken and fortune cookies

If you found numchucks you would battle too ;)


Weekend trip to Guiyang. We got on any random bus and ended up out here,

and it was beautiful

My entire stay in China I never saw any churches. To stumble across this little one in the middle of nowhere was beyond cool. It was under construction but the priest happened to be on site and unlocked it for us and showed us around,

He was so cool!

The horror! (and eventual yumminess). 

I just love this photo. I was in China for the elections and had to fill out an absentee ballot. Every foreigner I met LOVED Obama. I had so many interesting discussions that opened my eyes a lot to different cultures

It's the same in every language

They don't call it the People's Republic for nothin'

Have you had your daily dose of dictator?

Mao's memorial in Beijing. The pavilion went as far as I could see and there were thousands streaming in to see him

I love her style! what a cutie ♥

The forbidden city

The temple of heaven,

a stark contrast of old a new

Our group hiked up to the "unrestored" great wall. Which crumbled beneath our feet and is still the most dangerous/ incredible thing I have ever done, in Ugg boots or otherwise

This reminds me of the labyrinth, one of my favorite movies

Our guide was impossibly old and could leap around like a goat. in slippers. 

Our crew from the youth hostel. Australian, German, American and Finnish. 

Delicious food after our 5 hour trek! 

I didn't post any photos of my students, I would need a whole entry for sure! China was incredible, I couldn't be happier I went and learned all I did. I fell in love with travel, hostels and meeting all sorts of people. Hopefully I'll go again soon, and maybe to Japan as well. I desperately want to see Japan! Then Egypt, France, Scotland, Switzerland . . . 

As for my relationship fiasco, I've been so thankful for everyone's kind words. I've had so much good advice to just stick by my choice and I'm really grateful! It's so hard to leave someone you've loved so much no matter what they do to you. I guess it's one of life's paradoxes. It makes it that much harder when they will do anything, no matter how destructive, to stay in your life and keep your attention. My advice if you face a similar situation is to understand what they are capable of and accept it as collateral damage. Freedom and happiness is worth whatever price! I'm so lucky I have such good friends, and I've been going out more which has helped me so much. I'm going to be more social :). Kimberly I don't know what I would do without you ♥!!! In short, I am well and keeping busy, and I am so so thankful for everyone's advice. 
So where have you been? What's your favorite place? I'd love recommendations, and travel stories are always the best! Hope you're well. Love,


Monday, May 31, 2010

Hugs & Kisses & Sin & Wishes

Photo by Kimberly Brimhall, outside Gabby B's. This is my first time using photoshop!
Brian and I at the Harmony Sweet. My mom took this on her phone :)
The bridge over 281 at Incarnate Word. Look inspired by Fruition LV.

Long time no . . . 'read' in your case. So it is getting hot out there in the ol' SA. I mean, step into the sunlight insta-sweat kind of heat. When I was in Zhongshan (China) teaching English it was way worse than it will ever be here but that never makes it any easier. A couple weeks ago I got to sing with one Brian James Burroughs aka 'My Dog the Planter' at the Harmony Sweet in New Braunfels.  Easily the most interesting venue I've ever been to. Jury is still out on this one guys, the crowd was a bit young. My mom came though so that was awesome! Brian has a couple new songs that are fantastic, hopefully I'll get to sing with him again soon! 

I went to Horseshoe Bay yesterday to an amazing party Mother's Anthem played. Man those boys are troopers, rockin' out in the heat. You should check them out, they're very talented :) So I got to meet a bunch of new people (I even ran into a woman who has a peacock feather tattoo on her back on the opposite shoulder blade as mine. I thought, "there are too many people at this party with the same tattoo . . ." no, I thought it was awesome) I even got to go out on the lake as the sun was setting. I was so beautiful! I added lake house & power boat to my list of goals in life on the spot. It's very serious business that list; I had to squeeze it somewhere betwixt my G5 and G-Wagon. (g is for 'ginga' not 'gangsta', though I believe they're synonymous). 

Oh! I bought an amp :D  crazy excited over this y'all. It's well-loved (aka 'used' . . . or 'pre-owned' as car dealerships are prone to say). I'm still practicing my fingertip-skin off so eventually I'll amaze all of you :) Well, I'll try ♥

So now that I have rambled you to death, I wanted to throw out a few websites I adore for you to check out. Cue David Bowie's 'Fashion' in your mind's ear . . . 

ShopNastyGal- It isn't that crazy, cool your jets 
Karmaloop-why am I giving away my fashion secrets?
StoneandHoney- a touch obsessed with these necklaces
FruitionLV- inspired a photo above. purchase this stuff quickly!

So I am on the hunt for a vocal coach & experience. If you need a female vocalist . . . well you're in luck! I happen to be both. Well aspiring. Vocalist. Obviously I'm quite accomplished at being a female. Oh what does that even mean?

Moving along! I was recently lucky enough to be involved in Ms Kimberly Brimhall's spot on San Antonio Living. This was my second time on the show, so basically I'm famous- psyc! Anyway you can watch her in all her awesome glory below:

and for good measure, our first time on the show:

I'm a rhyming fool! well no. Probably not. I think I have rambled and been ridiculous enough for one blog entry. If you're interested in a vocalist e-mail me at Also, check out Jonathan Scott's latest blog about Gabby B's. And do yourself a favor; take Kim's FB advice and Jonathan's shopping advice. Make money and look good? win-win. ALSO- they're the best couple ever. I'mjussayin'



Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A few of my favorite things.

My Favorite Redheads. Not in order, at all.
Satine, the sparkling diamond. One of my all time favorite characters.

Ziggy Stardust
Poison Ivy. One of the very, very best
Mary Jane

Daphne. Annoying and lovely.

Absolutely NOT this Lindsay:

This one for sure.
Bree Hodge, (or whatever your last name is now) I do wish to be more like you.
No blog about gingers would be complete without Lucielle.

If you haven't seen How I Met Your Mother, do it NOW. Alyson is awesome.

Ariel. Nice depiction I'd say.

Jean Grey- AKA Phoenix. (love the wedding photo)

One of the best True Blood characters- Jessica. One of the most tragic characters of all time in my opinion. If you watch the show you know why.

The gorgeous Amy Adams
Absolutely adore Isla Fischer
Va Va Voom: Jessica Rabbit

Evan Rachel Wood. Love her madly regardless of her hair, but she is incredible as the Queen in True Blood.

There they are. My very favorite redheads. Natural or not, I don't care. If you can rock the red then you are a redhead to me. (I may just be saying this because I try to and I am not a natural ginger). Life is just better in red.

So that's the whole thing; my post for today. Nothing to discuss or mull over really. Just a whole lot of hot && awesome.

I need some pizza.

♥ Scarlett